Archive for the 'Blog Vom' Category

Mean, mean skinny jean

Life just isnt fair sometimes. We all know this, but I need to gripe a bit about something many lay-dees out there can attest to (and I am sure a few gents). I have been working on my fitness lately, getting back into running and bootcamp.  I am toning up so I should not complain. BUTT (and yes I mean BUTT with TWO T’s) – my butt is shrinking at an alarming rate, causing me to suffer from a syndrome my friends and I call “dump ass”. Basically its making my skinny jeans be loose aroud my derriere. Its bordering on an even more serious syndrome known as “threatening bum” so I am not a total waste case just yet.  Yes,  have  coined a lot of syndromes around the ass area. Below is a severity spectrum of these conditions:

As you can see, I am putting myself low on the spectrum with this syndrome.  You will notice Leggings Bum is deemed more threatening and then we get into danger territory – Threatening Bum, Elephantitis Ass, and Swamp Ass, which is just off the charts.

So not to leave you in the dark, Threatening Bum occurs when a woman has a pancake  booty and wears jeans that accentuate it:

Elephantitis ass – ‘nuf said:

Swamp ass….well, no need for a visual here. I am sure you know what I am talking about. One more important point to make is that there is NOT a linear relationship to all syndromes. Just because you have dump ass does not mean you will graduate to threatening bum. They are mutually exclusive.

I find myself quite horrified by the situation I find myself in, however, I think as I continue to bootcamp it up and run it will normalize, and my legs and stomach will catch up to my rapidly shrinking behind. I cannot in good concious retire my favorite skinny jeans!  It just wouldnt be right! I am sure there is someone out there that can relate.

A public service announcement from GG

Please, if you are even considering a Vera Bradley purchase …

It will save a lot of people’s eyes from hideous, vomitus patterns. Everytime I see one of these bags, my eyes bleed just a little. I am asking that you please stop these visual assaults! For fashion and humanity!

Sad face – update to my Arnold Palmer post

Well, I knew there must be more plum mascara out there, and my cube mate Laura just pointed me to YSL’s site, where, TEASES, they have a purple mascara. BUT ITS OUT OF STOCK! Its not anywhere. I looked high and low on the interwebs. I have sad faces right now.  See below for my sad face. YSL is my fave mascara. Blarg. I will continue to stalk this website and keep you posted on any notable findings.  Feel free to share ideas if you have a mascara suggestion for me to try!

I succumbed…

Yep, it’s true. I am wearing jeggings. I tried to shun this trend but it took over me. And might I say, they are effing comfortable!

Don’t get it twisted though, I do not have Jegging bum ( the denim cousin of Legging bum). Long cardi and flats make this office appropriate (at least ad agency appropriate). The business is covered, and for now, we can all live happily in elastic waistband pants land.

The new love of my life

Sorry hubby – I’ve found a new fixation. Have any of you gorgies checked out Shopstyle.com? If I was a dog, my tail would wag so hard and fast when I go to this site. In the words of Shop Style – it’s just like browsing the aisles of the world’s most fabulous stores, but online! You can basically put in what type of piece you are looking for and/or color and it will show you hundreds of options across the interwebs. Or can put in a designer, or a trend (i.e. Statement Jewelry – see below) Crazy! I love technology!

(I NEED NEED NEED THIS KATE SPADE NECKLACE NOW AKSHLFSAHDLKHGKJDS:HFLKSAHLKSHLK!!!!)

On top of this, the site boasts one of the biggest fashion communities online. Its a place for fashionistas to come together, build and showcase their looks. This is my favorite part of the site – because it’s some hard-core eye candy. I can’t tear myself away sometimes. I want it ALLLLLLLLLL. I seriously feel like foaming at the mouth I love it so much. I have not yet joined the community – but I am SURE my sis, lowbrow Jadey, is all up in that bizznass. (Check her out on Low Brow Style). It’s such a cool way to express yourself – and probably helps channel your inner shopaholic (eek!). I can’t tell if this would be a remedy or a catalyst for my shopping disease.  Especially because the community creators tag all their looks with the brands they are showcasing and link them off to where to get them.  DANGER DANGER! Below are a few adorable looks from the community – you need to pay a visit STAT!  Check out HISTORIE GIRL – she’s got some bomb looks.

 

Remember me? This one goes out to Randall-scandal

When I randomly posted about Lionel Richie a few weeks ago, my friend Randi thought I was going to do a throw back post. I wasn’t, but what a great idea! I am EMBARRASED to admit this, but I was OB-SESSED with Elizabeth Arden Sunflowers fragrance in 5th grade. It was life or death – I had to have this, and any other item that had a sunflower pattern on it. I was like a rabid dog. Dear lord. Thank Jebus my taste has matured with my age. I guess this is where it all started though, right? Have to pay homage and give credit where credit is due.  This fragrance is actually still pretty popular on the drugstore circuit. I am sure the smell would bring me back….but given my very attractive state of affairs at that time, I think I will pass!

Beware of stumps

If you are a shopaholic like me, with a specific affinity toward shoes (a close second to my cosmetics obsession) you will have seen the wave of new funky sandal / wedge / cuffed shoe looks out there today.  Below, a sampling –

You won’t get any arguments from me on whether these shoes are sex on a stick or not – YES THEY ARE! I love them. But,  such shoes  may cause your legs to look like tree stumps  if you aren’t careful so beware! The cuff hits you right at the skinniest point of your leg. While it draws attention to that, it may also accentuate the larger part of your legs.

If your legs are little pin thin string beans, well, you are a lucky bitch. And you don’t need to worry. But if you are curvier or sport a muscular build, you may need to get creative. I am a runner and not a stick figure, so I have very muscular legs. They are long so I get away with more  but what I find for myself is that I can wear this look so long as there is a heel involved. While I do not have the solution overall I do think it makes good sense to try on the looks in store to get a sense for what works/what doesn’t.  I am a big online shopper but cases like these warrant an in-person visit / trial to prevent any unfortunate stump issues. Happy shopping!

A lil fixer-upper

Hey hey ! Hope y’all are doing swell. I am doing great considering the weather and that I started Bootcamp this morning. I am going to be a running machine in no time!! Enough about random shizz…here comes the post!

I bought me a cutesy little Gap ruffle tank a few weeks back which I heart heart heart. I wore it with a new cardi the other day which caused it to get pilly in the pitties. Oh MON DIEU!

Luckily I am a tricky crafty bitch, because I had just the solution for this problem. GIVE IT A SHAVE! Oh yes, I am dead serious. Did you know that a razor will fix your pillies? I wouldn’t recommend doing it on a really expensive garment or super sensitive fabrics – but for a $40 shirt from the Gap, why the eff not? The notion of shaving your shirt will certainly cause a few giggles – but the outcome of the situation proves worthwhile. Plus, who doesnt love a laugh? The proof is in the pudding. My shirt post-shave :

Yep, gorgeous as always. I’ll help you hold it down!

My regimen is working: Jamaican-me 16!

Hello friends. Its been a bit. I apologize if you’ve been visiting and there’s been nothing freshly pressed for you. Alas, I was living up the island life in Jamaica. Which leads me to an important update. I really think my crazy skin care regimens are working! You can decide whether you agree with my evidence or not – and yes, it does relate to Jamaica.

As you know if you are reader, I am OB-SESSED with my skin and taking good care of it, and of course a slut for any good sounding  /smelling / feeling product. So, I have been testing all sorts of things on myself for a few months and I’ve decided that my Eye Hope (Philosophy) + general OCD of applying moisturizer is really paying off. Right now I am sticking with my Bliss (Click here for that post).

My evidence? Well, while in Jamaica, I was waiting at the bar to order some overly sugary frozen concoction when the bartender asked how old I was. I told him I was 29 and he said ” No mon, you look 16″. As my near and dear friends the Blumberg’s would say  (while they pump their fists) “Puh-POW”!. Score one for me! Take it as you will – but I took it as some good news.  For your viewing pleasure – a picture of our resort, and a picture of the evidence that my skin is looking silky smooth (yes, thats a Zohan reference).

On an un-related note, you will notice that I did decide to grow out the bangs. I am a hair chameleon! Thus far, happy with my decision (click here for previous bang debates!).

Can I get behind this?

I got an email from Express this morning proclaiming that jorts are chic. What are they trying to peddle? This email gave me anxiety for all sorts of reasons. First, are jorts really becoming fashionable? Second, will I actually end up purchasing a pair after I renounce them? Third, I am in no shape to be even thinking about shorts, let alone jorts. IAMHAVINGACRISISOVERHERE!!!

 

Now these I can support –

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! KIDDING!!!

In any event, I will surely need some counseling around this alarming trend. Its making me feel like Boy George. Very confused and intoxicated. The good news is that I live in Boston, and shorts / jorts weather is months away. Lets just hope that this is a fleeting trend, and that my corneas are not burned all summer by jorts-wearing hoochies up in my business.