Mean, mean skinny jean

Life just isnt fair sometimes. We all know this, but I need to gripe a bit about something many lay-dees out there can attest to (and I am sure a few gents). I have been working on my fitness lately, getting back into running and bootcamp.  I am toning up so I should not complain. BUTT (and yes I mean BUTT with TWO T’s) – my butt is shrinking at an alarming rate, causing me to suffer from a syndrome my friends and I call “dump ass”. Basically its making my skinny jeans be loose aroud my derriere. Its bordering on an even more serious syndrome known as “threatening bum” so I am not a total waste case just yet.  Yes,  have  coined a lot of syndromes around the ass area. Below is a severity spectrum of these conditions:

As you can see, I am putting myself low on the spectrum with this syndrome.  You will notice Leggings Bum is deemed more threatening and then we get into danger territory – Threatening Bum, Elephantitis Ass, and Swamp Ass, which is just off the charts.

So not to leave you in the dark, Threatening Bum occurs when a woman has a pancake  booty and wears jeans that accentuate it:

Elephantitis ass – ‘nuf said:

Swamp ass….well, no need for a visual here. I am sure you know what I am talking about. One more important point to make is that there is NOT a linear relationship to all syndromes. Just because you have dump ass does not mean you will graduate to threatening bum. They are mutually exclusive.

I find myself quite horrified by the situation I find myself in, however, I think as I continue to bootcamp it up and run it will normalize, and my legs and stomach will catch up to my rapidly shrinking behind. I cannot in good concious retire my favorite skinny jeans!  It just wouldnt be right! I am sure there is someone out there that can relate.

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1 Response to “Mean, mean skinny jean”


  1. 1 nscaepc May 17, 2010 at 2:35 pm

    I would think that dump ass was worse than leggings bum! But i dump ass with leggings bum is worse than dump ass in jeans I suppose:

    leggings bum <dump ass

    dump ass+leggings bum= rear F.U.P.A.?


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